return to Requiem for Spock
There is little time before the redshirts arrive. I've done the unthinkable, Jim. I've used my mind against a human. Against McCoy. I took from him something that wasn't mine to take. So there is just this one choice. I couldn't endure court martial and confinement, which is what will happen if the guards find me. Mind-rape is a felony on both our planets.
This really is the best course, you will understand that eventually. I know now how things stand between the two of you--McCoy's memories showed me that. But I now also know the harm I've done to you, and to Leonard, and I cannot live with that. It is better that I end this now, better that I accept myself for the half-human--the human--I am, and take human responsibility. I think Amanda will understand, and maybe Sarek too. I lived my life a Vulcan, but I'll die a human. That's a change for the better, don't you think?
Jim, it's hard to put a lifetime into a few words. Now I know how you have felt about me, even since fal-tor-pan. It was a true love, an honorable love. I wish I had been worthy of it, I wish I had been capable of accepting it. Starfleet was good to us--it brought us together and gave us the fine years on the Enterprise. But it would have been better if you had not listened to Sarek. I would have lived again on Genesis and died quickly, along with the Grissom crew, and you and McCoy would have been spared. I owe the two of you that much, at least. You have been good friends. Often I have abused that friendship.
I think I hear Mr. Scott coming to see why he's reading a light for open hangar doors, so I will stop. The redshirts won't be far behind him. I'm not done yet, but it is time to go.
Jim, however difficult matters were between us, I always thought you were the best captain in the fleet.
Live long and prosper, t'hy'la.